Sabbatical

This semester I took an unintentional sabbatical from school.  Sparing you the gruesome, sordid details suffice it to say that I am an idiot there was a minor snafu with my registration.  In all honesty I probably could've begged and weasled my way into the class that I needed but truthfully, I decided to give up the fight and focus my energy on spending some time with the boys (and attempting to catch up on the sleep and housework that eluded me last semester).

As the first day of classes came and went without me, I admit to feeling a little blue and left behind.  So, I did what I always do when I'm feeling useless and not busy enough - I made a list of all of the things I planned to do with all of my new found free time.

Here are the top ten things I aimed to do:

1) Organize my laundry room shelves
2) Purge and organize all the closets in the house
3) Read at least half of the 23 new books that I have stacked on and around my night table that were mercilessly ignored last semester
4) Create a solid routine of menu planning, grocery shopping and meal preparation
5) Purge the playroom
6) Make a list of all the small repairs to be done around the house and hire a handyman for the items that can't be done myself and will probably be ignored by Adam (which means almost all of them)
7) Watch all the movies nominated for an Academy award.
8) Finish knitting all the unfinished projects I have sitting on knitting needles
9) Organize all the digital photos I have of the boys and create a photo album of my favorites
10) Write at least half of the book I have in my head

Here are the top ten things I actually did:

1) Bought MORE books that I didn't read.  I DID manage, however, to purchase and read the entire Twilight Saga in about two weeks, fostering an unhealthy obsession a casual interest in all things Twilight.

2) Not only did I not see all of the movies nominated for Picture of the Year, I didn't even see one.  I did, however, watch the Twilight movie on my iPod and MacBook at least once a week, and also saw New Moon in the theater three times.

3) Celebrated Eli's 2nd birthday.

4) Played in the snow with Ethan (Poor Eli had to nap.  Being two is hard work.).  This particular activity was not on my original list, but was way more fun then purging the playroom.

5) Decided not to devise a solid routine of menu planning, grocery shopping and meal preparation.  Ate out.  A lot.

6) Considered running away with the circus.

7) Stayed in.

8) Rubbed elbows with a celebrity chef.

9) Played hard.

10) Reconnected and fell in love all over again (with three different guys!).

That's some sabbatical.  I could get used to this!

Coming out of retirement

When I was (semi)regularly updating my blog, I'd get emails and comments every now and again after posting something.  I liked this.  I wanted to use my blog as a means to jump start a career where I could write (read: actually get paid to write).  I joined a couple of blog networks where I could get some exposure in return for writing for free or allowing ads to appear on my blog.

I have always loved to write.  I have always been told I "should be a writer".  I have often been told I am "wasting my talent".  I think I'm a good writer.  Sometimes, I think I'm a great writer.  It would be nice to get paid for it.  But herein lies the problem.  I write for me.  Only for me.  So deadlines don't really work within that framework.  Nor do deliverables such as posting on my blog at least once a week.  As soon as I"m given a deadline or a deliverable, it's done.  I lose interest, I lose momentum, the part of my brain that helps me organize my thoughts into words and pretty sentences literally shuts down and I just have to sit around and wait for it to start working again.  I can't force it to happen, it just happens on its own time.

After years and years of fighting against this and beating myself up for "wasting my talent" (i.e. - not getting paid for writing), I have finally accepted the fact that I am not a deadline meeter when it comes to my writing.  And meeting deadlines is sort of important when you want to write for a living.  Or so I'm told.  I've been kicked off all the blog networks I've joined since I've failed to update my blog frequently enough.  And I'm so okay with that.  I feel so much less cluttered and heavy.  After months of trying to get people to read my blog and tracking the number of readers who visit it every day, I've finally accepted the fact that my blog was never meant for the people that I was trying to drive to it.  It was meant for me.  And if anyone loves me (or even likes me) enough to read what I've written, then it's just a little happy bonus if what I've written touches them (or at the very least, entertains them) somehow.

I like to write about my emotions and experiences.  I like to write so that I'll have some sort of record of my life, of my family's life, of my love for them and for myself.  I like to write to help sort out the jumbled mess of thoughts and feelings that criss-cross and meander through my mind.  So, yes, maybe I'm not getting paid for what I'm doing, but I'd hardly consider that a wasted talent.