A bit out of place

I had an algebra exam yesterday which required me to make a rare appearance on campus (my class is online). The last time I was on campus, the experience was fairly painful, especially considering it was for orientation and therefore the fact that I was a "new" student was pretty clear. There was no pretending that I knew where I was going and what I should be doing. Let's also talk about my outfit the day of orientation. I knew that there was a possibility on orientation day that I would be in front of some of the nursing school advisors. I didn't want to show up in jeans and I rarely wear dress pants and therefore didn't have any that fit me or are stylish. A skirt or dress was my only option and it was chilly that day so I wore a pair of suede boots. This whole ensemble was a poor idea for several reasons. First, I was on a college campus. Which meant I had to walk. A lot. In high-heeled boots. And they made a lot of noise click-clacking along the brick sidewalks, inadvertently drawing lots of attention. Secondly, my skirt was pleated, people. Pleated. Not only did I look kind of like a dork, it also caused the skirt to billow out and get stuck on people's laps when I was side-stepping through the rows to get to my seat during orientation. And thirdly, and perhaps most embarrassing of all, I realized the moment I stepped out of the parking garage that I looked like an instructor, not a student.

During orientation, I was pleased to see that many of the students that were present were not 17-year-old freshmen, although I'm sure most were between the ages of 19 and 24. Which I have to admit was better than seeing a sea of 17-year-old, freshly scrubbed and glowing Noxema faces. I was especially pleased to see an older woman sitting a few rows in front of me. She even had plenty of gray hair, which I happily realized made her older than me! Maybe we could meet up sometime in the adult student lounge! And then I saw her son sitting next to her. Her almost-adult-old-enough-to-be-in-college son. We won't be meeting up in the lounge.

I decided to give up on scouring the audience for people as old as or older than me and busied myself with rummaging through my tote bag for my notebook and pen. As the program began and I sat with my pen poised over my brand-new notebook, I quickly realized I was the only one taking notes. Minus another point for me.

So that is why I try to avoid going on campus, and luckily for me, I've been able to stay away almost all semester since my class is done online. But my exam yesterday was on campus and so off I went, unfortunately repeating my most important mistake of my last appearance...since I had to head to a dinner with some women from my synagogue immediately after my exam, I dressed up. Again. This time, I had some stylish and correctly sized dress pants to put on, so no skirts or boots, but because I am so short, I like for my dress pants to be long so I look a little taller. Which requires me to wear high heels. There I was, once again, toddling through campus in high heels, breaking my feet and looking like an instructor. I am vowing next time I visit campus to wear my rattiest pair of jeans and sneakers.

I have missed this...but happily, I haven't had much to say (and yes, I actually consider that a good thing...it means that life is sailing smoothly and I am cheerfully busy!). School is keeping me on my toes and being a full-time mom and part-time student are certainly presenting their challenges. Mostly, I miss out on knitting time, reading even just one of the books in my giant stacks I have scattered around the house, chatting with Adam after the kids are in bed and catching up on my favorite tv shows. And I'm learning to survive on very little sleep...if I get 6 hours, that seems to be a lot.

Studying only gets done in the late night hours since I reserve daytime for the little guys, running errands and getting stuff done around the house. I am a bit resentful of my schoolwork tonight, which is unusual since whenever I get bogged down with my work, I redirect my energy to my end goal and that packs quite a punch and is always enough to keep my plowing forward. But after just returning from a four day ski trip, I was really looking forward to putting little Eli to bed. Getting home and settled in took longer than anticipated (doesn't it always?), and since it was eeking into my study hours (exam tomorrow, trying to keep my A average!), I had Adam do it instead so that I could get some studying in. I missed out on snuggling with my little man, who seems to look so much older after only four days (how and why does that happen!?). Consoling myself with the thought that I can sneak my snuggles in tomorrow and frustrated with my schoolwork (precalculus. seriously. me. numbers.) I took a quick break and checked my email on my phone.

A dear friend of mine (Amanda, I've talked about her before), had emailed me to update me on the latest with a blog that she and I follow. (Admittedly I think she follows it more closely than I do, but there was a time not long ago that I was reading MckMama's blog daily, sometimes more often than that. Without going into the details, I'm going to do something extraordinarily uncharacteristic of me...I'm asking, if you have stayed with my blog despite it's sad lack of updates, (which I promise to try to remedy), please visit MckMama's blog and pray for this family and for sweet Stellan. I'm not a public praying, prayer requesting kind of gal...I pray alright and I love to pray, I just like to allow myself and others the privacy of their prayers...but I'm making an exception in this case. Stellan captured my heart last year when I was introduced to his blog and I am hoping for a good outcome for him and his family and it isn't looking good. I knew that after reading about his worsening condition, simply turning off my computer and going to bed wasn't going to be sufficient.

Oddly (or not), I was thinking about MckMama just yesterday. It has probably been several months since I've read her blog and how strange (or not) that she was on my mind just a day ago. When I learned of Stellan's worsening condition, I cried as if I know him. I don't, but part of me feels like I do. And then I berated myself thinking about how arrogant and naive (and frankly, pretty stupid) it was to hand Eli over to Adam at bedtime, so confident in thinking that I can just get my snuggles in tomorrow. And more than likely, I absolutely will. But life has no such guarantees and I know better. I shouldn't require a reminder. And I think I will not wait for tomorrow to do better...on my way out of my office and downstairs to bed (at this horrid hour of 2:37 a.m.), I think I'll stop by his room and soak him in for a bit.